Uninspired.

I can’t believe it. There’s absolutely nothing I could think of to write about. Not that it has never happened to me before. I do remember a time when I couldn’t find the words to create a piece but now? Why? I have so many things going for me. Hence, so many things to write about. There’s work. Oh yeah, I’ve got plenty say about that. There’re friends and social life. My sarcastic, bully of a best friend’s leaving for Dubai in a few days. That’s a good topic — good byes. There’s also my love life. LOL. Believe me, there’re a lot of things I can write about that topic. But seriously,.. I don’t know. I can’t find a title. I don’t know where to begin.

This is so frustrating! I love writing. I want to write but I don’t know what to write about. Maybe there’re just too many things happening at once and I can’t decide which one I’d focus to write a piece on. Maybe. Or maybe even with all the things going on, I’m just uninspired.

I do admit that even with everything, I’m not really at my happiest. Of course, there are the downside of things, which are too often lurking around the corners ready to pounce the least I expect them. But still it doesn’t explain it coz sadness is a good thing. At least in writing, I mean. Sadness releases all those pent up emotions which helps a great deal in creating a piece — a masterpiece even. So, I’m not sad or I’m just not sad enough to create a piece. Funny, here I am asking for sadness so that I can feed off that and be able to write something.

On the other hand, happiness is an emotion that can do wonders in writing. Since I’m not exactly typing 70 words per minute to write all the thoughts that I want to get out, I can’t exactly describe myself as very happy.

Or maybe I just need a vacation. A trip to the beach! That should do the trick. I can relax, catch up on some reading and just chill. Haven’t gone in a year or so. Pathetic, I know. There was one time in April when my friends and I went to some resort but we mainly used the pool so I don’t think that counts. I miss Agujo — my dad’s hometown. I used to spend lots of time by the beach as a kid getting sun burned every other week. It was peaceful, serene and clean as well. I don’t get to places like that here in the city. It’s always loud and annoying. Sigh. Wish I could go one of these days.

So I guess, I’m really uninspired to write about anything except this. I hope this “phase” would end soon. I want to write again!

Welcome To “Philippines Underpaid”

It’s been about a month since I started working as a staff nurse in a hospital and that was only orientation month where I was being supervised by the senior staff. Day in and day out, I went to work alive and came back home dead — figuratively. I was drained of all my energy and even if I slept 8 hours, I still felt sleepy the next work day. I don’t know. Maybe it’s just because I’m still adjusting to the working hours and the busy-ness of it all.

I did feel “alive” somehow. Now that I’m working with other people and not sit in front of the laptop all day as I used to do. Hey, I’m not saying that I didn’t like my life as a writer. It was a dream come true and I’ll never replace that experience for anything. But now, I long for the time when I was able to choose when to work and when to have my day off (which was usually more on the days off than the working days. hehehe..). Well, I guess I just can’t have everything.

It’s either be a writer, have excellent compensation, more days off but seclude myself from the outside world or be a nurse, one of the bonafide members of Philippines Underpaid, 4 days off in 15 days but be able to work with other people. hmm…tricky. tricky. lol. just kidding. it’s obvious i’d take the writing job any time. But for now, the thought of being able to practice my profession, which I have slaved for four years, is more appealing than the other.

It’s welcome to “Philippines Underpaid” then for me! =)

House Watching

What do bums do when they’re bored out of their minds with absolutely nothing to do? Watch tv show marathons! LOL. In my case anyway.

I’m picking up where I left off on House before I was rudely interrupted — with my studies. Yeah. I was studying for the NCLEX when I watched seasons 1 and 2. Now, I don’t have any reason why I should prolong my ancticipation of watching a rude, stubborn drug addict who saves lives and make everyone else suffer just because he likes it.

I’m in the middle of season 3 and I’m loving every minute of it! I better enjoy this since I’d be leaving the “Bum World” and joining “Philippines Underpaid” soon. I’m not sad to leave. I’m actually excited to go back to the hospital.

As weird as this may sound but I miss the hospital life where anything can happen in an 8-hour shift. Not to mention the long lunch breaks, chatting while doing the rounds, checking out doctors, interns, residents and other members of the healthcare team and of course — patient care.  *wink* *wink*

To sum it all up: I miss the world and everyone and everything that has to do with it. I guess I’ve been living away from it all for too long. I’m glad I’ve been given a chance to live it again.

This is it for this short blog! On to my House watching!

Why Do I Even Write??

Recently, somebody told me that nobody reads what I write so why bother. Wrong. I write for myself. I write because I like to write. It gives me that expressive release from all these bottled up thoughts in my head and also to have a review of what I had thought in a specific moment in time, in case I forget, which I do most of the time. Plus, I read what I write.

I don’t care much if nobody reads my blogs. I don’t even think anybody reads it at all since there are but a few comments but that won’t stop me from writing.

Another point is that if it had bothered me then I should have stopped writing ages ago (I started blogging since I was in college) but I haven’t. I still continue to write what I think and what my opinions are about the world and the stuff that I encounter in my way.

So sorry. I’m here to stay and I will continue writing no matter what.

Feeling Unappreciated

I feel like I always have to prove myself. Not for me but for others to acknowledge and appreciate me. I have to prove my worth to them all the time but no matter what I do it always seems inadequate. The things that I accomplished might not have been someth huge academic excellence or whatever but I consider it to be quite exceptional and better than the people I know, that’s for sure. But why do they always get the credit even and especially when they don’t deserve it. When it comes to me, it’s like nothing happened. Nothing at all.

I don’t even know why I keep trying to do my best on things that I’m into when I know it’s not going to be noticed anyway. I guess deep down I have that tiny grain of hope that maybe, someday I will be noticed by them and be given what’s due to me.

This is so unfair. It’s immature of me to say it but it really is.

Everybody’s Gone

Ever wanted to talk to the people whom you thought you could count on but then not a single one of them replied to your texts? It feels so sad and lonely but then it also makes you realize that there’s no one in the world whom you can rely on more but yourself.

People, even those whom you are pretty close to, can’t be there for you all the time, even at those times when you really need them the most. You have to strong and pull yourself together whenever you need it.

That’s what I learned yesterday.

I’m On A High

The day after I went to the dentist, I felt unbearable pain again on my tooth so I called my dentist again to set another appointment. I couldn’t wait another week plus I felt feverish. Mefenamic Acid can’t deal with the pain and I was so tempted to take Buscopan – without a prescription. I couldn’t do it.  =(

So the next day I went to my dentist with my tooth still aching like hell. He took an X-ray and said that there’s no cavity or whatever on my tooth which made him to conclude that it could be pulpitis. He then made a lengthy explanation on what pulpitis is blablablablah.  

He didn’t want to do anything invasive yet so he said that we should wait it out for a week. That’s okay with me but what about the pain? He prescribed Arcoxia. At first he wanted it a 120 mg tab twice a day but then decided to give me a lower dose, 60 mg 4 times a day.

Right. I’m supposed to take an unbelievably strong pain reliever 4 times a day for a week. I’ll be so high! Oh the things that I can do without feeling the pain! Lol. It’s going to be an interesting week. =D

Feeling A Different Kind Of Pain

It’s throbbing, persistent and the worst kind of pain that I’ve felt to date. In a pain scale of 0 to 10, with 0 being the lowest, I’d give it a perfect score of 10.

I’ve tried every alternative pain reliever that comes to my mind like music therapy and guided imagery. I’ve covered just about every genre in my music playlist, from classical to electronic dance music but the pain’s still there. I’ve imagined being in the beach, with the sun’s warm rays on my skin, the wonderful feeling of sand between my toes and the gentle waves of the sea but still the throbbing continues.

As a last resort, I took Mefenamic Acid 500 mg and the pain subsides for a while only to return after an hour or two with vengeance.

After a week, I finally scheduled an appointment with the dentist at the soonest possible time only to be told to wait it out for another week before he does anything invasive. Right. I’m in a whole lot of pain here and you tell me to wait it out?!? Are you crazy???

*Sigh*. I hope this would end soon. I’d rather have dysmenorrhea than this. At least I know that it’ll only last for a day.

A Slipper To Call My Own

Finally I have my own pair of rubber slippers! LOL. Honestly, I haven’t bought or owned a pair for years! YEARS! Might sound unbelievable when the footwear commonly used here are slippers? I didn’t really have much need for them since I wore shoes for school and sandals when I go to malls and other places.

That doesn’t mean though that I go to the beach wearing shoes! For that, I usually borrow my mom’s Havaianas and I only do that if my outfit deems it necessary to wear slippers.  It doesn’t bother her much since she has quite a collection of them – four in total! She likes them so she buys them. I simply borrow the ones she isn’t using so I didn’t really need to buy my own.

The slippers that I use when I go out of the house to take a walk in the neighborhood or hang out with my friends are my brothers’. We don’t have the same foot size. Obviously, their feet are larger than mine but that doesn’t stop me from wearing their slippers! Lol.

So why did I get my own pair of slippers now?? I didn’t. My dad gave them to me. He went to Brazil in the last year and bought pairs of Havaianas and Ipanemas. He said that it was cheap there and a pair only costs around $8 to $10. Wow! Compared to the prices here, that IS cheap.

Now I’m happily wearing my very own rubber slippers! Yey for me!

Starting Out

So finally I’ve made the move. I am now reviewing for the NCLEX. No, it’s not the usual home study thing that I have been doing for the past weeks. It’s for real this time. With all that review center stuff — with Jen, of course.

After weeks of searching and contemplating, Jen and I have finally decided that it’s St. Agnes Review Center for us. We chose that for the following reasons: it’s the cheapest among the review centers and we get to review anytime and for as long as we want.

Sure we wanted to have lecture classes as well but most of the schedules that we found are a full 8 hours, 5 times a week and for only a month! No way! We’ll be overloaded with information every single day for a month — you think that all of them will be retained? I don’t think so.

So we have started. It’s going to be our 3rd day today!

Aside from reviewing, we have also decided to go jogging at a nearby sports center. She wants to trim down. I want to build a bit of muscle. It’s really fun and we have planned that next week, we can start running! I’m excited for that. I love running. There’s also belly dancing class there. And we are going to join that as well!!

This is turning out so well. I hope things will be like this to the end of our review and we’ll be taking our NCLEX.